The Xelloss and Dynast Yaoi
by deep sea dolphin
Summary: Well someone's gotta write one of these, you know. (Spin-off piece from "What if the Slayers could e-mail each other?")


[note: this story is a random spin-off of one of my other fics, "What if the Slayers could e-mail each other". You don't need to read that fic to understand this one, but that one's not too bad, in my *biased* opinion. Muwhaha!!!]  
  
Xelloss: WHY I am in a yaoi?  
  
DSD: Well....  
  
Xelloss: WELL????  
  
DSD: ....now that's a secret! ^^;  
  
Minna: *facefaults*  
  
DSD: Now to the bit you're all waiting for....  
  
Dynast: The yaoi? *grins mischievously*  
  
DSD: Nope! The standard disclaimer clause! Must say this before we start anything 'coz we might get sued and it's fun!  
  
Sherra: You mean it's fun to say the disclaimer thing again and again, or you mean it's fun to get sued?  
  
DSD: Both! (^o^)  
  
Minna: ........  
  
DSD: Now back to what we were waiting for....  
  
Dynast: The yaoi? Please? *puppy dog eyes*  
  
DSD: Noonsa!!!!!!!!!!!!! *crashing waves*  
  
Minna: WHY?!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DSD: Because Noonsa has to say the standard disclaimer thing!  
  
Noonsa: Deep Sea Dolphin does not own any part of Slayers but wish she did and probably will in the future!!!!!!!! Muwhahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DSD: (^-^) Yup! And the only substantial thing I own is my bed, and the ever growing population of dust bunnies under it! And now, back to what we're all waiting for.....  
  
Dynast: THE YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DSD: Bingo!  
  
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~~~The Xelloss/Dynast Yaoi~~~  
  
"YOU DID WHAAAAAT?!" Xelloss' shriek carried across Wolfpack Island and shook within the walls of Zelas' domain. A few startled wolves looked up, wondering what had happened.  
  
Zelas crouched behind her sofa in a rather undignified manner. The room was in utter chaos; the tables and chairs were upturned, her wine - her *precious* wine - was spilt on to the floor. But that didn't matter. After all, Dynast had promised her much much more if she would...well, that wasn't relevant. Really! After all, she *had* taken Xelloss' best interests into account like any good Dark lord would've done! Really! But Xelloss didn't seem to think so.  
  
"HOW COULD YOU??!!!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??!!!!!!!", he dropped to his knees and held his face dramatically with both hands, looking very much like a protagonist from a tragedy play. At this point, the Lord of Nightmares made her grand entrance, gold glitter stuff from Toys R' Us and all. Without warning, she whacked the priest-general with her almighty shovel. "QUIT WHINING!!!" She roared, and with that She disappeared in a poof, leaving everyone including the author rather bewildered.  
  
"Uh......anyway," Zelas nervously laughed, "I read in Time magazine the other day that stress is bad for you. And so you see," she winked and pointed a perfectly manicured finger at her gaping servant, looking very suspiciously Amelia-like, "after *much* careful consideration, I've decided to let you off for a day! And guess what? Dynast was very nice enough to offer you accommodation!"  
  
"......."  
  
"......."  
  
"......."  
  
"Umm.....you don't believe me, right?"  
  
"I don't want to stay with that perv."  
  
"Oh puleeeeeze Xelloss. Do it for the win--- I mean, do it for me. Please? Pretty pretty pleeeeeeeeze?" The Dark Lord fluttered her eyelashes and tried her best to look super-kawaii. But Xelloss stamped his foot. "NO!!!!! I wear pink pyjamas for you, I even dress up in that Chinese dress for your entertainment, but this is just.....HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME ZELAS- SAMA?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR LOYAL SERVANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Everything went deadly silent. They stared at each other for a while.  
  
Lazily, Zelas stood up and slinked up to her priest-general, a sly smile appearing upon her lips. "You are," she spoke breezily, twirling her silvery-blonde hair, "my servant, correct?"  
  
".....Yes, Zelas-sama." Xelloss answered slowly with uncertainty. He smelled something fishy - and it definitely hadn't anything to do with fish. She brushed her hand against his face, eyeing him predatorily.  
  
"And...my *loyal* servant, correct?" Her voice was now dangerously sweet. He nodded mutely, taking a few steps back. Okay, something was wrong. Very wrong.  
  
Then all of a sudden, she turned into an ecstatic chibi. "Yay~ Thank you Xelly! You're the best!" And with that, she whipped up a cell phone from nowhere and dialed a number. [Xelloss: Hey, there aren't supposed to be any cell phones in this fic! LoN: Oh just shut it. DSD: Everyone....please.] And so as all phones are supposed to go, it went:  
  
Brrr. Brrrrrrr Brrrrrrr. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. *click*  
  
"Hello, is this UPS? Yes, I have a job for you......."  
  
DING DONG! Zelas looked at the door. "Oh wonderful! Such quick service! Come on, Xelloss my dear boy! No time to waste!" she cried happily, dragging the half-frozen Xelloss along with her. She flung open the door, planted a wet kiss on his forehead, and shoved him roughly into the big wooden box. Winking at the UPS boy who was previously staring at her long tanned legs, she purred, "Urgent delivery. Make sure he gets to his destination. Santa's waiting for him."  
  
"Buuuuwwwpphhhh!!!!! Mmmwwuuhhhhh!!!!! Let me out!!!!!!"  
  
As the lorry drew off, Zelas waved her hanky and yelled, "HAVE FUN XELLOSS!!!!!!!! IT'S ONLY FOR A DAY!!!!!!!!! BON VOYAGE!!!!!!!!! SAYONARA!!!!!!!!! JAI JIAN!!!!!!! AND UHH.....WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
What a wonderful day.  
  
--------  
  
After what seemed to be an eternity, Xelloss finally accepted that he was being sent over to Dynast Grausherra for a few bottles of wine [Zelas: *Really* rare bottles of wine!] and calmly observed his surroundings.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO I'M STUCK IN A BOX!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA BE STUCK WITH THAT PERVERT FOR ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ZELAS-SAMA DOESN'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!! ZELAS-SAMA DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Did I just mention 'calm'?  
  
Bumpity bumpity bump! Well this is going to be a rough ride, he thought to himself miserably. Some first-class mail service this is!  
  
Bumpity bumpity bump!  
  
Bumpity bumpity bump!  
  
Bumpity bumpity bump!  
  
And so on and so forth.  
  
Suddenly, the bumpity bump stuff came to a halt. Silence filled the air for a minute.  
  
For two minutes....  
  
For ten minutes....  
  
For twenty minutes....  
  
Wait, something was wrong. Xelloss started to panic. Maybe he'd fallen out of the lorry and NO ONE NOTICED!!!!!!!! Or worse yet, NO ONE CARED!!!!!!!!!! And it was *really* cold. Well, not that anyone cared, considering even Zelas-sama didn't. "And so this is how my life ends," he wiped a tear, "stranded in the middle of nowhere and forgotten!"  
  
"BUWHAHAHA!!! Not so, my young Xelloss!" boomed a voice. The wooden planks tore open and Xelloss' face made immediate contact with the ground. Euurgh! Snow! Wait a minute....this meant...  
  
"DYNAST GRAUSHERRA!!!!!!!!!" he shrieked, crawling backwards at abnormal speed, flattening himself against the trunk of a tree. (O.O)  
  
"XELLOSS!!!!!!!!!" the Dark Lord cried happily, pulling the terrified priest-general into a tight embrace that would've shamed Prince Phil and Amelia. Ahhhhhh.  
  
Needless to say, Dynast was one very *very* happy Dark Lord.  
  
--------  
  
"Mmmmuupphhfff!!!!! Pwwwuuuff!!!!!!! Heeelllllppp!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Now now, we don't want you to hurt yourself, do we? Patience, my dear boy!"  
  
"Dynast-sama, don't do this! STOP!!!!! STOP!!!!!"  
  
"It won't hurt, so be still!"  
  
"Sherra help me!!!!!!!!! Get this pervert off me!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Dynast-sama isn't a pervert! Don't you *dare* defame him!" *WHACK*  
  
The sound of clothes being roughly stripped off and screams of terror could be heard. Grau and Norst tried to peer into the room, but were promptly driven away by Sherra's death glare.  
  
"I never knew Dynast-sama liked three-somes."  
  
"Me neither...but Dynast-sama is a lonely guy, I guess."  
  
The two minions shook their heads and walked down the corridor silently.  
  
--------  
  
Later on....  
  
Dynast stood up, wiping the sweat from his brow. Xelloss was a little frisky, but it had been a rejuvenating experience all the same. Even Sherra had a light smile on her face. They should do this more often, he decided. No wonder Zelas loved her priest-general so much. He stretched his back, groaning a little from the bruise that his prey had given him. He grinned from ear to ear.  
  
"Xel-chan is so kawaii," Sherra squealed, running a comb through the priest- general's violet hair.  
  
Indeed he was. He was dressed in a crimson silk cheongsam, with high heels to match. Silver bangles that would have rivaled Zelas' collection adorned his wrists and ankles, and his lips glittered with peach pink. He sat in the center of the dressing room, looking rather demure, a tinge of embarrassment flushing across his face.  
  
Dynast chuckled. "So this was what Zelas meant when she told me about that incident at Femille."  
  
~Owari~  
  
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How did you like this one, ne? ^^;  
  
Reviews and comments are most welcomed! 


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